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Hello Kiddies, We have arrived.  Applaud if you must.  Just don't be too loud, you will wake up the baby zombies.  Click the banner above (if you didn't read the post title...) to see the blog if you've googled your way here... 

Or read the following,

(and cry in the corner). 

First up, we are not what we have seemed to be, we are not what may be expected of us, and we don't have borders. Our sun doesn't set, we may even have to sleep in caves just to get some zzz's, as a dark sky in our empire is hard to come by. More so, that is not our Pink Tank (see picture below) however we do own a few. Those two in the picture are not us, they are no more then models we contracted. In fact they are just two guys we found in a bar. The guy with the Japanese girls uniform on his face creeped us out. We don't know him at all.

In short, we are like the walking dead, we exist on your screen, and in real life, maybe.. Perhaps only in the realm of your imagination. Thusly we are similar to zombies. Unlike those slow "human-escque" creatures though, we are FAST. In real life.  like.. Real fast.. Our time zone doesn't exist, we wear quite nice clothing, AND we have a bigger music collection then your favorite DJ (unless that's us, assuming we do DJ) and other things too. That's right b--ches (- for the children), OTHER THINGS TOO. What are they? Well, we've got other things that out-cool you and your mating magnets across the board. Face it blog-u-manity, we out-cool you, your trust funds, your outfit, and even our own sarcasm. We out cool the high school never dies attitude, and we were the coolest kids in high school too. What? Oh, are you sad? It's okay kiddo.. Go cry in the corner.  

Just face it... We are 23 skidoo, neat-o, sweet, dope, fantabulous, even supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, plus that backwards like Ghostface Killah has stated he is as well, and we know this. We also know your government, we know your Wall-Mart greeter. We know her in China too. We even know your conspiracy theories as to who's secretly in charge, and we know who really is. We make our money, literally, as though we are a country, and maybe we are. Our funditure is like monopoly money, but real monopoly money. We are a monopoly and we run the "blog" game. ATTENTION: TO ALL "BLOGGERS," this is a warning shot. Don't compete with the faster zombies, it will be futile, join us, or go cry in the corner. When you are done, smile. We will regale you with incredibly interesting information impolitely intrusive yet inspired.

Just call this "blog" (to those who do not understand the word blog, its like a log with a "b") a happy proletarian do it yourself. Call the faster zombies "blog" a web adventure where the worlds most powerful humans (us, obviously) anonymously put our two cents in. Of course to signify our unique awesomeness this blog will be our points of view minus the facebook, myspace and twitterlike typed vomit and useless information.  Except our own.

The Faster Zombies project ("blog") will be a collection of entries that will be devoid of pictures regarding our personal lives. There will be no stories or pics of our pets, our children, or evidence of our drunken and moronic antics. It also will not include gossip about music, movies, politics, sports and other blah blah blah... 

Okay?!

No?

Geesh... Sorry Tiger.

Go cry in the corner.  Basically this is unlike your blog, your facebook, your myspace, your twitter, and it is better. If it is not better, then we will call our mass media mogul friend and have 88 reviews of us celebrating the fact that we are. Even Glenn Beck is going to holler at you. Even your mom will think so. She already does.  Does that make you sad? Go cry in the corner, again, if you must. Just let it all out there, no one will judge you, except maybe us, but we will privately chortle. There will be no visable shame of you, at least not on our end.  Unless you challenge our utter dominance, we are nice Fast Zombies. Celebrate this.

Do your celebrating as you enjoy a delicious Gyro sandwich, or rejoice our unwillingness to openly humiliate you while watching an endless stream of funny cat videos on youtube. We invite you to be filled with this glee all the time, even while taking a facebook quiz. Although we won't use type vomit in this "blog" we certainly don't hate facebook. Soon you may become a fan of us on this book of faces. Let's be clear about that.  

 
In fact.  We think that Facebook quizzes are great. We might make our own should a massive comet strike Dollywood and the air turns purple. Our soon to develop multitude offacebook "friends" love them. Your friends love them, you aren't annoying anyone. That is, not annoying anyone under the assumption that you've picked a really useful quiz such as "Which Blossom character does your diet resemble most?" Wouldn't you care to see what another's results are on your news feed? To read a lesser blog then this one? If not, then do you think they would like to see yours? If the answer to this is yes, then go join the Borg, (a.k.a. Maple Leafs fans) but first...  Go cry in the corner. More! MORE!!! LOBSTER!!!!! STEAK!!!!  We have no exact direction here, or do we?.. Be careful what questions you ask Tigers. Unless you are the Hanshin Tigers.

Note: As we stated earlier we shall not be discussing professional athletics, but the Hanshin Tigers are an entertaining team.

Anyway, enjoy a North Korean beer. We are up 24/7 folks, and we speak your language, and we don't care if you read this, but may get slightly annoyed if you break the code.

Viola folks..

Viola.. The zombies have arrived.  Don't get used to this blabbering, we are just test driving this new car.  ENJOY YOUR BEER!

-FZ